name ten thousand reasons why you never want to die,
go tell someone who might have forgotten.
try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive,
and then just smile for awhile about them.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed.
with so many people to love in my life
why do I worry about one?
you put the happy in my -ness
it’s so hard to do but so easy to say
sometimes
you just have to walk away
we walk in the same direction
so that we could never stray
they say if you love somebody
then you have got to set them free
I wouldn’t rather be locked to you.
if you love something, let it go.
I’ve been telling you all these names for the words, you’ve been reciprocating for the rhythm. it’s always been that way. I’m always analyzing, searching and you’re always just going along with it, whatever it is. I talk because he listens and it reminds me of you but what doesn’t. losing dignity and memory and and and. four years and I wouldn’t recognize myself but your soul’s the same it was that night knocking on my window in solemn apology. that may have been the only time I’ve heard your mouth say those words without tears in your eyes and guilt on your tongue.
52.
being invited to something.
today I am going to plan my wedding. yep I sure am.
I am so ready to immerse myself deeply in relationships, culture and anything other than myself for the next ninety days.
“maybe you should get used to that.” you do not know me. today was a long day but it was alive. we sat at a table of people that I’m bored with talking about nauseating things but it was nice. I thought of what the next few months hold and my eyes got wide I’m sure as did my heart to the things I’m going to be reminded of and the people I’m going to be introduced to. also, I have committed to the decision that I will be nothing like my mother.
so I’m countin on your fingers
cause you’ve reattached the twitch
and if you want opinion I will die along the ditches
and every summer is a hot token of the cold take of lust
an every autumn singes
with the business of sadness.
whywhywhy am I so spoiled and so pissed off about something so trivial. I’m “out of it” because I need to be out of here. I need more wind than my sunroof supplies, more air than hibachi steam gives off, more love than a boa constrictor of a mother can give me. I’m just an uninhibited canon that’s thirsting for freedom and impulse and I’m going to go off any second I swear. I don’t know why I can’t find what I’m looking for when I’ve been looking in the same place for four years. maybe it’s just not here anymore. maybe it never really was.
51.
rediscovering short cuts.
‘Cause my heart is full of no blood
And my cup is full of no love
Couldn’t take another sip even if I wanted
My lungs are out of air
Yours are holding smoke
And it’s been like that now for so long
oh Carlton.. I will give you the biggest bear hug you’ve ever experienced.
a pretty dress can brighten even the bluest mood.
